Sometimes when we feel convicted about something, it can be difficult to figure out what to do. I know I have to change, but how? And the guilt creeps in for everything you're doing wrong, and suddenly you're overwhelmed and you think "AHHHH! I'LL NEVER GET THIS RIGHT!!!" Take a deep breath. Whooo. Ahhh... it's ok. I really like those encouraging posts that tell me to pick one thing to change. Just one thing. And don't try to add anything else for another week, or a month, or maybe whenever you find your to-do list again. And pat yourself on the head for accomplishing anything at all. I relax my shoulders a bit. "Ok, I can do that." Until I try to make a decision about what to do first. Which one is more important? What will be easier? Do I start that tomorrow? Oh, no... this one will be so challenging this week, I must choose something else... And paralyzed by indecision, I don't make a firm decision and do nothing well. Or I dive completely in over my head and shock my system. I know many of my readers are far more reasoned and practical, but nevertheless, I thought I'd throw you a bone as they say, and make this easier for you.
Are you ready? It's a really good one. Ok. here it is: Enjoy your kids. Now, I'm not saying that you, my dear reader, do not enjoy your kids already... but I invite you to work on re-discovering them. Look again at their precious quirks, the way they laugh, the way their minds are exploding, the cute sound of their voices. Write down your favorite things about them. Play with them. Notice the soft folds of their arms when you're up in the middle of the night or the cute way their hair falls as they run about screaming. Marvel at all that makes them yours; all that makes them unique and beautiful. See, it works like this - you start playing with your kids, noticing their special qualities, and working on seeing every positive you can find in them, and you start to lose some of your criticism. You begin to bond more deeply. Think about that guy you know that is so much fun, so amazing. The one who makes you feel honored just by a few minutes of his presence. You know the one. Maybe it's a gal. Anyway, how do you behave around that person? How do you feel? And how do you treat that person? I think somewhere along the way, our little baby turns into a destructive toddler, and a defiant three-year-old, and then an ever-arguing preschooler, and we lose the pleasure we had in our relationship because we get hyper-focused on fixing what is wrong. They need so much correction, instruction, redirection, and oh-my-goodness-the-messes. Time with them becomes a burden. We start saying "Will you watch the kids?" in a moaning, tired voice. We have to re-discover delight in our children. Here's my tidbit of experience: When one of my daughters was three or so, she went through a particularly difficult phase. The kind where you stay up late reading books on parenting trying to figure out what you're doing wrong. She drove me crazy. She drove my husband crazy. Her every flaw pushed our buttons and it was difficult to have any kindness for her at all. I cringed at the idea of hugging her. My own child! I resented her demands upon me and chronically lost my patience with her. So I found books on personality type and temperament. I wrote about her strengths: such as her tenderness, her ability to be lost in wonder, her rapidly developing logic, her sensitivity towards others. I started to see some of her flaws as specials gifts and qualities. And these activities opened my eyes to her. I worked on complimenting her. I made myself hug her and kiss her and fill her love tank - knowing that physical touch is her most effective love language. We played her games and set time that was her time, and we would do whatever she liked during that time, soaking in everything that she is. We laughed together. And the end result of that effort to actively love her and know her better was that our relationship became easier. We learned how to better accommodate her, with all her quirks and graces, and it reduced the tension. We began to enjoy her company again. I don't know if her behavior was necessarily easier, but I felt more love for her, and that made it easier for me to respond better. When I look back, even if I floundered a thousand times over, I hope my children can have fond memories of how I loved them, not so much in a "love 'em to death" sort of way, but more a "I could eat you up" way. Isn't that how God is with us? We're obnoxious defiant goofy ridiculous noisy children and he wants to just eat us up and snuggle us close for forever. He delights in us that much. We should strive to delight in our children too.
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JpgA mother, pondering what it means to be loved. CategoriesArchives
March 2017
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