The whining. The smears on so many things. The number of times you hear, "mommy, I want... " My biggest pitfall as a parent is the sheer repetitiveness of it all. It is as though after I've pulled out a snack for the hundredth time, or was patient with their tired antics for so many nights, or smiled sweetly and answered the thousandth "why" that I lose it. No more! I can't hold back the frustration and I let it out. After all, how much toll can one take? I'm human!
"You have crossed me, for the last time." Even on days when you feel superhuman, and have an extra dollop of Holy-Spirit-infused patience, there still seems to be a point at which you can't tolerate the irritating sound of fidgeting children for another second. "JUST STOP!" suddenly flies out of your mouth like a cannonball launched at the children, who are shocked into a stunned silence. Oh. Wait. That's other peoples' children who look stunned when their mothers yell. I think mine just sigh and moan, “But I just need to do it!" What do we really mean, anyway, when we say we've "lost our patience" ?
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Being on bed-rest a couple of times has taught me a lot. Laying there, in pain, with barely the strength to roll over... it gives an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. For me, as an adult, I feel guilty calling out my repeated requests, knowing that the one caring for me is also tired. I can imagine how annoying it is to jump back in the room every few minutes for another little thing. As I lay there I was struck with what it must be like for child. A young child certainly does not have such a developed sense of otherness and the empathy that would make him filter or delay his requests.
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JpgA mother, pondering what it means to be loved. CategoriesArchives
March 2017
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