About the only time I worry about modesty for my children is when they are getting ready to bathe, and manage to escape to run about the house in bare-naked freedom. We have big windows, and it's a little much. I do think a great deal about modesty in regards to myself though. Far from being a standard you pass or fail in the clothing department, it is a virtue. For me, modesty is about honor : honoring others and honoring myself. It is a desire to recognize the dignity of all. Now what is honor anymore? I feel that as a society we've forgotten what is means to honor one another. We are ever relaxed in our speech, our dress, our habits, even the way we carry ourselves. We talk a great deal about respect, but respect almost has come to mean "approve everything I do." To show high respect, or honor, towards ourselves and others is often lost in the cultural confusion. Even the admonition to "be you" (a true enough phrase) now seems to imply that nothing is ever hidden - rather, all should be exposed - and I'm not speaking about clothing. We seem to uphold carelessness and disregard for other's comforts as a good to protect our own needs. But who is to say we cannot consider both?
When I speak of honor, I don't mean the honor of which Reepicheep speaks, boldly going where others fear to tread or striking down those who would bemean him. No, that is the type of honor that causes foolish hurt and confuses pride with defending dignity. Honor has a higher calling. Honor conceals ills unless necessary and helpful to reveal them. Honor presents one in the best light. Honor takes into consideration other's needs and comforts, and accommodates as it can. Honor doesn't (intentionally) shock and cause scandal. Honor is a way of expressing the fullness of one's self: by both what is revealed and what is chosen to not be revealed, knowing that not everyone has a right to full knowledge. Honor seeks to show respect to others, respect to the occasion as well as the audience, upholding dignity. And all that honor does truly is contained in modesty. Seeking modesty is seeking a way of presenting myself in my full worth and dignity, revealing my personhood and value to others. I want others to see ME, not merely my extravagance or my body. The hemlines may be determined by my culture and my comfort, but my speech and carriage and presentation all express who I am. If we should read of a king (a good king of course) who is stripped of all signs of his dignity and reduced to rags, we of course would regard this as tragic and rejoice should his kingship be restored. Yet for ourselves, we think nothing of it when the common presentation loses all sense of propriety and dignity - is our value less? Again, I'm not saying that if you wear a dingy ripped t-shirt and sweatpants you are lacking in dignity, but rather that in light of your great dignity, it is holy and good to dress well. To put on the sign of that dignity. Just as the royal robe and crown is a sign of that kingship. Maybe dressing well right now does mean sweatpants and a t-shirt that doesn't smell. Modesty encompasses more than what you wear. The aspect of clothing is just one sign of who we are. Modesty is a character, a mode of being that directs one to choose what is better in each circumstance, not a list of directives that condemn you to abuse if not followed. It is the external sign of an inward character: one which values the self and does not wish to expose it to harm. The other side of modesty is the old-fashioned kindness that takes others into consideration. Showing up to a wedding in a nice dress or suit, not making a big show of your skills around someone who is struggling, humbling your pride to help out and not making a big deal of it. My needs may supersede another's comfort (such as with breastfeeding sometimes), but whenever possible it is kind, a way of of showing respect, to do what I can to make others comfortable in my presence. We think of nothing when it is an important leader or a special occasion, but what about the everyday? Respect applies to all. A lot of people get all flustered when it comes to the issue of women's modesty, at least when they're around men. Let's look at it this way: Imagine that seeing the color orange on a person makes you dreadfully uncomfortable. You have to resist with all your might to not view orange-dressed people as so many pieces of cheese. And to talk with someone wearing orange is terribly distracting. You want to enjoy the other's company, but the whole time you're wondering what the other tastes like. "A nice cheddar? Brie? No, he looks like an aged gouda.... Bah! Person! Not cheese!" Would it not be a welcome relief when the people you see don't wear orange? It's just a color! And so too, exposed skin and curves and figure are just that, aspects of the human person and wondrously beautiful. To ignore that pornography is pervasive and many men (and women) struggle to view others as persons instead of objects is insensitive to their difficulties. It isn't that men are "weak" and women are "asking for it," but rather that showing kindness toward one another is another form of respect. Valuing one's self and seeking to protect it from harm invites modesty, not that we can stop others from viewing us as mere objects of pleasure, (much of human history details huge groups of people being viewed as little more than cattle,) but rather that we speak against the idea that we are objects to be used. (Besides, everyone is crazy about Kate Middleton, and everything I've seen her wear is so tasteful and dignified... there are many ways to "get attention".) Oh, and dear Men, you can show your chivalry by living modestly as well. Going about the way I see so many do is just gross. Show women that you honor yourself as well! They will respect you for that. Modesty is so much more than mere attire. Modesty hides one's accomplishments at times so as to build another up. Modesty uses speech that befits someone with such a great dignity as being a child of God. Modesty has humility as her garment and prudence as her guide. Modesty keeps hidden that which is sacred and guards it till trust is secure. Modesty isn't stuffy or snobbish, but fresh and beautiful. It reveals the deeper self while avoiding the distractions, like an image, well framed.
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March 2017
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