One of my children wants to shower her love on everyone she encounters. "Love 'em to death" seems a bit apt for how her passion can get carried away. The sweet tenderness of one sister loving another was slightly lessened by the ever-present fear that she might suffocate her little sister, in those newborn days. And we have many conversations about what feels loving and what is actually received that way. It is such a joy for her when she encounters a smaller child who actually likes endless hand-holding and snuggles.
Though it is truly said, "love, and do what you will." That phrase comes with an awareness that it is authentic love as the guiding force, one that sees rightly the way to love. As evil has no ideas of it's own except to twist what is good - so many ills are the twisting of healthy virtues. My daughter's abundant love must be tempered by prudence as to what is truly loving in each situation. There are many times when giving a hug to her sister would be a cruel thing, or the gift of broken toys may not truly be the most thoughtful. Love should contain both the beautiful passion and the attentiveness to others desires. To love with only passion and no wisdom ceases to be love at all. Even if intentions are lovely. And so on with the many virtues: Truth should always be balanced by charity. Freedom should always be tempered by self control and wisdom. Piety should be balanced by obedience. Humility by courage and hope. Trust by wisdom. And so on. They all work in harmony. I have seen many times the heartbreak when one virtue is so twisted that it loses sight of the other virtues and ceases to be it's true self. I am a mother, I cannot live the life of a cloistered saint. However much I treasure austerity, simplicity, and piety, those virtues will manifest themselves in different ways within my vocation, by virtue of obedience to my calling. It shouldn't look the same way. To try to push myself to do otherwise would be neglecting my spouse and my children. We generally recognize these distortions, when they pushed to an extreme. Such as parents, so valuing happiness within their relationships to their children that they don't dare teach or challenge them. Or the doting friend who cannot take a no to the gifts she *knows* she should give. But each culture has it's blind spots and each of us have our own weaknesses. The arguments spring up saying, "but this is good!" And indeed, often the object pursued is a great good. Yet if it goes so far as to trample other goods, especially ones which are more important, then the goodness is crushed. That is why boundaries exist. That is why they are needed. They protect the good from ceasing to be itself. It is humbling to recognize how easily I slip into these pitfalls myself. Valuing industry and getting work done such that I lose sight of the fingers pulling on my skirt. Or wanting my child to learn an important lesson so much that I forget the lessons of life I desire more. Or in worrying about how to make my children be good that I forget that first they need to be loved. It does me no good to pray a rosary if I yell at my children to be quiet the whole time. That doesn't mean I should abandon these things, but build toward them, showing patience toward myself. The devil, in his subtlety, wants us to believe we are most holy while we do what is most hurtful. But did not Christ say, in effect, "if your early rising and fasting causes you to sin, cut it out! Better to be well slept and full than to hurt those around you by your increased weakness." It is good for me to read about St. Jean Vianney who ate only potatoes and fasted continuously and slept little. It is also good for my humility to recognize that I cannot still be a gift to those around me if I deprive myself that way. Can I make more small sacrifices here and there? Yes. And if they increase my love for my God and my family, my self control, my desire for Heaven, etc. then they do a great deal of good. But if increasing my piety is only turning me into a pharisee, better to step back and look more at how I can simply be obedient to the present moment. Better to come to God in our weakness than than to fall prey to our pride that we are capable of more than we truly are. Humility involves embracing the level of holiness that He calls us to have, not what we think we should claim for ourselves. (from the prayer of humility) "Lord, grant that others may become holier than I, provided I become as holy as I should." I want embrace so many good things. But we cannot be prepped for a marathon in one day. Just as my child learns to hug others in a way that they smile and are not knocked down, so I must also learn to love in such a way that it is true and authentic.
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JpgA mother, pondering what it means to be loved. CategoriesArchives
March 2017
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